Lice Of The Party

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I prefer people at my parties. Not head-itching bugs.

No one likes to talk about the dreaded L word. And no I’m not talking about lint found in the dryer. I’m talking about…*cue ominous music*… lice.

Yep. My darling, lovely children came home from school on Friday with a few unwanted hitchhikers clinging to their hair strands (and by “few” I really mean a herd that looked like they were having a swell of a party, disco ball and strobe lights included, on my kids’ scalps). So my Friday night was spent FREAKING OUT. Okay, so not really freaking out. I was actually fairly calm this time around as opposed to the first time my daughter came home last year with a note saying she had nits (eggs that have yet to hatch) in her hair. I had definitely freaked out then, because I couldn’t believe my daughter had bug eggs in her hair. Up until that moment I had zero experience with all things lice. I didn’t even know what they looked like and had to Google up pictures. FYI: they are fugly gross.

And there is this misconception that only dirty, greasy people who never wash their hair are the ones that attract lice. SO NOT TRUE. You–and your kids–can be the cleanest people going. You can smell pretty like a rose and fart out daisies. Lice actually like people with clean hair. And they are fast. Lice may not be able to fly or do back flips, but they can crawl. Like really, really fast. They put Barry Allen to shame with their lice-lightning speed.

But fear not, because I have a quick guide to dealing with the pesky little party-crashers.

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Step 1: Don’t panic. You’ll want to panic. You may even want to curl up into a ball and cry. But that is showing the little f*cks fear. And you don’t want to show them fear. You want to show them out the freaking door!

Step 2: Go to your pharmacist and explain your situation and ask them what over-the-counter shampoos used to treat lice they recommend. Don’t feel ashamed or think you are a bad parent. Remember: Anybody can get lice.

Step 3: Purchase a nit comb. You’ll need this handy little device to painstakingly extract the hard-to-see eggs that the females lay. And boy, they waste absolutely no time laying their demon spawn all over your child’s head.

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Step 4: When you are out purchasing special and expensive shampoo and nit combs while trying not to have a breakdown, buy yourself some chocolate. Buy a lot of chocolate, actually. You’ll need it. For later. As a reward to yourself for sitting in a bathroom till midnight with your child as you pick out nit after nit.

Step 5: When all the lice and their demon spawn are gone and everything that your child(ren) had rubbed their head up against has been washed and vacuumed, and then washed and vacuumed again, throw yourself a party. A lice-free party. And pray that those ugly little things never crash your party ever again!

Happy Monday Everyone! And may your Monday and all the days to follow be lice-free and lovely. ❤ ❤ ❤

* I would just like to add how much I enjoyed watching The 70th Annual Tony Awards last night. I thought James Corden was the perfect host and that all the performances were a real treat to watch (especially the Hamilton one). Theater people seem so humble and gracious.

A lot of sadness happened over the weekend. It broke my heart to hear about it on the news. There is a lot of ugliness that seems to be happening more and more–a lot of bad people who do horrible things. But there is also a lot of goodness, and people who are trying to create something beautiful in this world. People who care and want nothing more than to make others feel good and safe. Watching The Tony Awards reminded me of such kindness.

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6 thoughts on “Lice Of The Party

  1. ofopinions says:

    Oh, this topic stills makes me panic, even though I’m as far as possible from those creepy, crawly little bugs. I got them once as a kid in school, and they just wouldn’t go. I tried all the OTC stuff – shampoos, solutions etc., but they kept coming back, and till date I haven’t found out which friend of mine gave it to me. Sadly, had to make my mother cut my hair really short, and that is what finally helped. Got them again when I was 21 from people on public transport and again, got a friend to cut my hair really short, using shampoos, solutions and nit combs to make sure they, to emphasize with Swiftian determination, “never, ever, ever” come back. Am still very careful to keep hair out of anybody’s reach on public transport.

    Chocolate always helps of course, and lots of chocolate helps even more! I really am glad your kids got rid of them so soon. You deserve a gold star for expert de-licefication! Btw, the third Bridget Jones book called Mad About The Boy, deals quite a bit with lice. Apparently, there are special, very expensive lice nurses out there!

    Liked by 1 person

    • tamaraprokopchuk says:

      Lice are a nightmare! I was very fortunate and just plain lucky to have never had them as a kid. And I have always had very long and thick hair. This is the second time my daughter has had them. I am still finding the occasional nit with the comb as I obsessively keep checking her hair. My son seems to be fine, but his hair is very short and easy to check. I kept them home from school today because last night I was still finding live ones. The last thing I want is to have them give it to another kid at their school and have another parent go through all this lice crap!
      Hopefully by the end of this week I will be lice-free!

      Liked by 1 person

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